Quick tips on handling a Mumbai traffic cop (pandu)

16. Nov, 2009 10 Comments

You’ve made a mistake while driving and the traffic cop (pandu) says ‘gaadi side pe lagaao’ (stop your car aside). You’re doomed. Get ready to shell out anything from Rs.100-500, and depending on what you’ve done – it may even go as high as you can imagine.

First things first – smile, look sincere and be very co-operative. Show him your license, (if you have one) and smile. Show him your papers, and smile. PUC certificate. Smile.

Then, very slowly, start talking in Marathi. Here are a few words/sentences you MUST know:

Sahib: boss/sir (Always address him as sahib. ALWAYS)
Zaau dya na sahib: Let it go, sir
Maazi chuk nahi: It was not my mistake
Aata ek chuk tar sarvanna maaf aste: One mistake is forgiven for all
Maaf kara Sahib: Forgive me sir
Thoda kami kara: Make it less

Now, once the preliminaries have been sorted, try saving your outgoings. If you’re really smooth, you can try to talk him into letting you go for free. Be nice, and give the man some respect, even if fake.

Another cool way of getting through could be excuses. Hospital, unwell, etc. are done to death. Be innovative- say your house is on fire or something. If someone’s with you, make him/her pretend to be really ill. Get creative!

Use your connections, real and imaginary ones. It always helps when you talk of your reach till the ‘top’. Now, this has to be done with tact. Don’t overdo it or your lie will come across clearly.

All these are when its your fault.

If it’s not, do not fall for their false traps. Teach them a lesson. Be unafraid. Behave like you couldn’t care less about what he said. Stick to your point of it not being your fault at all. When they know they’re wrong they will give in. They will know that you are not someone they can trick.

Anyways, mastering the art of sweet talking the pandus is a skill that not many possess. For us mere mortals…we should be satisfied if we don’t end up overpaying too much.

MumbaiCircle presents to you the unofficial Pandu Rate Card.

Pandu Rate card*:

No Helmet- Rs. 50 onwards
No seatbelt- Rs. 100 onwards
Talking on the phone- Rs. 100 onwards
No license – Rs. 150 onwards
No seatbelt + snooty female- Rs. 200 onwards
No Helmet + No License- Rs. 300 onwards
No Helmet+ No License + No papers- Rs. 500 onwards

And so on….

*Conditions apply: These rates may vary erratically depending on variables such as the car you drive, the language you speak in, the clothes you wear, the clothes your girlfriend wears (if you are a guy), the stock market, etc…

You get the point.

Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

General

Pav Bhaji: Local tastes of Mumbai (Part 1)

Bhel Puri: Local tastes of Mumbai (Part 2)

10 Responses to “Quick tips on handling a Mumbai traffic cop (pandu)”

Aniket 25. Nov, 2009 at 3:56 pm

hahaha..

Hilarious, and soooo true.
Rudra 25. Nov, 2009 at 3:57 pm

omg so true… this applies esp to the pandu near Cadell road and then also at Juhu garden.. always hiding behind tree, car, etc. Chor!
Kehkashan 25. Nov, 2009 at 3:59 pm

ya man .. the Juhu guy is always hiding .. and the sleaze charges more from girls …

love the article!!
Basheer 29. Nov, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Arey even the guy near Siddhivinayak .. He’s toh super chor
Rehwa 29. Nov, 2009 at 12:02 pm

I know some are dishonest but not all.. I’ve come across a few who genuinely try to help the city traffic.. just that they all get generalised..

but nice article.. made me laugh
Teesta 29. Nov, 2009 at 12:03 pm

True .. not all are bribe hungry.. There should be sting operations on this…
Ritesh 29. Nov, 2009 at 12:03 pm

The guy outside Bandra St. (West) is the only honest one I’ve come across.
Meeta 29. Nov, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Oh ya the Juhu one has a problem with female drivers..

I love the imp Marathi words section – will surely keep in mind
Disco Yash 03. Dec, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Pandus are freaking money eating irritating fatsos.

There use to be a time when they would let me go for 10 bucks or 20.

Now they will not accept anyhting less than 50 or 100 man. I mean 100 bucks!!!

Aaaaaahhhhhh
Shaggy 29. Dec, 2009 at 10:01 am

this is very much true….
good research..